It has always been your heart desire to have a good marriage.
But you know it is not possible unless you are in a relationship with the right partner.
Sure, you have been in a couple relationship, but the people you have dated don’t seem to be ‘it’.
You are worried that you don’t know if the person you are with is the right one for you.
A wrong marriage can lead to uncoordinated life and much worse consequences.
I bet you; you don’t want to be there.
The question is,
How do you know when someone is not right for you?
Let me share part of my story to encourage you.
Before I got married 10 years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy (that should be about 12 years ago). We loved each other and planned to get married.
One day, I was praying, and I asked God about this guy. Is he the right man for me? The answer I got was confusing. He gave me a bible verse to let me know the guy is not His best for me.
I did not really grasp the meaning of the verses until weeks later when things unraveled. There and then, I understood that he is not the right man for me.
How did I know?
Secrets came out days later.
He had lied for the most part of the relationship.
So many lies I can’t recall here.
At the end of the day, I called it quits.
How did I do it? I will tell you in my next post “How to walk away from a relationship”.
Few months after we called it quits, he got married and six months into the relationship; he was gone.
Your choice of a relationship partner matters a lot to you, God and your destiny in life. If you miss it, it will be difficult to make things fall into their rightful places.
Well, below I have pointers that will help you spot someone who is not right for you.
Let’s get started.
Most of us grew up in homes where values were instilled in us. We learned how to respect our elders. We learned how to always tell the truth, shun lies and not cheat. We were taught to love one another and treat people with respect. If you grew up in such a home, you will hold these values dear to your heart as you grow up to become a man/woman.
Now, if you are in a relationship with someone without these values, it can be dangerous. Someone who does not know what it means to tell the truth. Someone who will always cheat behind your back. Someone who does not respect you. Then, he or she may not be right for you.
The family unit is a very important thing to consider when choosing who to marry. The family comprises of a mother, a father, and the children. A dysfunctional home will produce dysfunctional children. So check the family your partner is coming from.
Do they still have parents? Are the parents living together? Are they divorced? Etc. You need to know. A man that grew up seeing his father beat his mother will think beating women is normal once they misbehave.
A lady that grew up in a home where verbal abuse is the order of the day will think it’s fun to abuse her man. Look deeply into the family structure.
Finances! This is the big one. Everyone loves money. What value does your partner hold regarding earning, spending and saving money? Do they believe in spending all you have now and hoping for more in the future? Do they believe in the culture of spending some and saving some for raining days?
Do they love to buy expensive wears even if their salary is not sufficient for such live styles? You have to know. Do they disturb you for money all the time? Are they ready to also assist you when you are in need financially? You have to know.
Courting someone who loves to spend their earnings on frivolities does not signify a future for you. Someone who hates the idea of saving will not be the right person for you. On the other hand, someone who believes in saving all and spending none is not an ideal partner for you. You will suffer. So make the right choice.
I advocate that you date a friend. It matters a lot. Be friends first before you start any relationship. During the friendship phase, you will get to know each other’s likes and dislikes and you will be free to communicate. When you start a relationship together, it will be easy to be honest, not hiding anything from one another.
If you can’t befriend the man or woman in your life, it will be difficult to cope in the future. Love will wane, but friendship will forever be there. If you are not friends with your partner, look for a friend you can always relate
Have you ever being in a relationship where you find it difficult to connect with your partner? I mean, they are just on a different frequency.
Emotionally, they are off. You don’t feel it down in your heart. You dialed their emotional number and all you can get is “the number you are dialing is not available, please try again later”.
For how long do you want to be trying? If you are finding it hard to connect with the person, then it may not work. Having a connection is very important to the sustenance of a relationship.
6. You feel you need to move mountains to make them move 2 inches
If your partner is not ready to sacrifice his/her time for the growth of the relationship, then they may not be the right one for you.
Everyone creates time for what they prioritize in their lives. If you find it difficult to get them to go on a date with you, talk with you on the phone, chat with you each time, you need to switch your gear and move forward. Communication and getting together is very important to the health of your relationship.
7. Your weaknesses are always highlighted
If you are in a relationship with someone who only loves to shove your weaknesses in your face, then you are not right for one another. Everyone has weaknesses in them, but it is not good to always use it against each other.
A good partner will help you to be strong in areas where you are weak, and not flaunting it in your face all the time.
You compromise heavily
This is a good one. If you find out you are always compromising your values to please your partner all the time, it may not work. You know it is good to save money, but she won’t just allow it. She wants every new thing in the fashion store. She wants to wear the latest.
If your partner is always pushing you to do what you know is not morally right, they may not be the right person for you.
9. They make YOUR decisions
Have you ever been in a relationship where your opinions are not valued? You want to make contributions, but they shut you up. Even if you want to make decisions for yourself, they are right there to make it for you.
They make you look so dumb. Did you get it? That is no longer a healthy relationship. You will always be treated like a child. It is obvious your partner is not the right one for you.
10. You become someone you are not
If you are unlucky to fall into a relationship where your partner is slowly changing you to what you are not
Before you meet them, you don’t know how to tell lies, but because they are liars, you also learned how to tell lies. There is an adage that says, “show me your friends and I will show you who you are”. If you notice that your partner’s bad behavior is rubbing off on you, please take your leave, they are not for you.
Friends, love is beautiful, when you are in a relationship with the right partner. It is a huge problem if it is otherwise.
I know you have lots of questions in your mind right now. I am available if you want to talk. You can drop your comments below or get in touch with me on email@example.com.