You cannot force your loved one to change if they don’t really want to. If you are in a relationship with someone who has a habit you don’t like, never think of changing them, because it may not work. The best thing you can do is to tell them why they need to change. If they are ready to change, good for both of you and your relationship. But if they fail to change, consider whether you can live with them that way. If you cannot look for someone else. This is because the fault you are looking at today will increase by three times or more when you get married. That is the truth!
You cannot change anyone that is about 20 or 30, their character and lifestyle are already molded. Trying to do it, will bring you more trouble. It will bring friction in your relationship. It is like wanting to bend a dry stick, it will surely break. The same thing happens when you want to stretch a rubber band. You exert pressure on it to make it stretch, but as soon as you reduce the pressure thinking they have changed, it comes back to its original state, which can even be worse than what it was in the beginning. Trying to change your partner because you want to be with them or love them does not cut it. They may pretend to change or try to change because of the pressure you mount on them, but as soon as the pressure is released, they return to the original state.
You will hear them say “Ok. I will change for you.” “I will stop lying because you said so”. “I will stop chasing girls just for you”. It will not work. They may try it for a week, a month, a year, but eventually, they will return to their original state because they try to do it for you, not because they see it as a necessity to change.
I have heard couples say “I think he will change after marriage“, “I tried to make him change”, “I think he will become more responsible”. It never happened, and when they cannot deal with the person again, they opt out for divorce.
Never ever, expect your partner to change after marriage. Accept your partner as is, or don’t get married.
Many people get married to their partner because they see them as a DIY improvement project. It can never work. If you don’t like the way your boyfriend or girlfriend eats, it will not change, it will magnify after marriage.
Expecting your partner to change is like going on a fool’s errand, it will yield nothing.
What you can do instead of expecting them to change
Learn how to compromise and accommodate one another if you must be together, not expecting them to change.
Ask yourself this one question:
Before you agree to marry someone, assume that nothing about the person you are marrying will change, will you still marry them?
Imagine yourself living with your partner for the next 70 or more years of your life, can you live with the way they are? If your answer is yes, you can carry on, but if it is a no, you can easily back down and look for someone with the character you want or you can manage.
If you are expecting your overweight girlfriend to change after marriage, by encouraging her to go to the gym, it will not work, unless she wants to change herself.
But, do people really change?
But of course, people change as they age in life. But the truth is, they do not change because their loved ones pushed them to, they simply wanted to change.
You may support your partner if they are ready to change or you can change together. Not that you are waiting for them to conform to your idea of change. It may never happen.
Know the depth of the water before jumping into it. You need to be a good swimmer to jump into deep waters. Know your partner before you make a commitment.